Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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