who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
