So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
