My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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