YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
