I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
