saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
