Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
