I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
