i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
