I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
