I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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