very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize