yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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