I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
