Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Help. Why am I so naked?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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