Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Randomize
