Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
