eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
