I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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