Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i think my mom watched the whole time
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
