You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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