I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
