you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
