I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
