Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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