I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
