You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
