Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
kristin has been a bad kristin
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
