i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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