Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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