She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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