"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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