And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I could fuck to npr.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
