Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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