Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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