no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
