I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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