make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
