Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
