Cold hands, warm shart.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
