Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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