I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
