I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
