I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
