We won't sleep together?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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