I smell stomach acid.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
