Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
