Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
