She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
