i need an iv and a liver transplant
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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