Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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