so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Randomize
