i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize