weddingsv make me drug and hornr
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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