I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
