..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
