32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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