Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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