I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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