yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
time to smoke my breakfast
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
