She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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