I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
