He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
3 2 1 whiskey
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
