No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
