i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
