i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
