Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
