You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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