Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
