sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
